My "sassy" cat keeps attacking her not-so-secret-admirer

Question

My cat is very sweet to people; she never claws, smacks, or hisses.

I thought she was the sweetest thing in existence, until some additional animals moved into our house.

A Bengal breed cat now lives with us; he has seemingly been in love with my cat since first sight; though, she does not seem to have the same interest in him.

When the two cats meet in a common area, they will both seem very excited to see each other.

1. First they will sniff each other's butts.
2. Then the male Bengal cat will sweetly groom her (in areas she likes people to scratch her)
3. Next she'll groom the male back.
4. Then he'll groom her again...
5. But then my female will smack him in the face and hiss without any signs of being agitated before hand.

The male cat is very sensitive, and for the first few weeks, would just sit there shocked that she had smacked him. However, eventually, he started attacking her back... this is very concerning as he is twice her size.

Why is my cat being so "sassy"?

It has been more than 3 months at this point; how can I get my cat to not be so rude and stop picking fights that should be obvious to her that she can't win?

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Additional information:

Female is small domestic short hair, 6-10 years old

Male is large well breed Bengal, 3 years old

Both cats are indoor only, and very spoiled

Female despite being very sweet (to people) is quite plotting and manipulative, which makes me think she might have some ulterior motive?

Both cats are fixed

Answer 1

First off, I think you need to get rid of the notion that the Bengal might be in love with your cat. I doubt there is any definitive way to arrive at this conclusion especially when they are fixed and have no hormone secretions on that front. My boy is very accustomed to people but he doesn't play well at all with other cats. It doesn't matter that they are kittens, female cats etc. He just doesn't get along with them.

My suggestion would be to keep them separate from each other but in the same space where they can smell each other. Do not let them get near each other or have physical contact. Continue this for a few days and them let them get together. This is typically the way to introduce new cats to existing ones. I think they both need to understand that they are both here to stay. Cats are territorial and usually fight with other cats because they don't like competing for resources.

Answer 2

Grooming isn't just for comfort or hygiene; there is also a dominance aspect. You can see this when one cat holds another down to groom it, as a mother would do to a kitten.

They're going to have to resolve this on their own by fighting; separating them will only delay it until they're reunited because it doesn't actually solve anything. If they're comfortable enough together to groom, though, there shouldn't be any real danger (drawing blood) to either of them.