New Kitten is scared/wary of me when approaching her directly

Question

About two weeks ago, I've bought a new, 3 months old kitten. I had her in a small room at first, to get her used to the smells, my other cat, etc. She plays a lot with my other cat and I think they're bonding quite well. Now, one thing I noticed is that she is quite wary or actually scared of me, when I approach her directly. What I mean by this is: When she stands somewhere on the ground, and sees me looking at her and walking to her, she always runs away and hides somewhere nearby, only to come out 20 seconds later after realizing I didn't do anything. If I stop her from running away, and start petting her, she then seems to realize I won't do anything, and does not run away anymore. She doesn't seem to be generally scared of me. She sometimes comes sleep with me, or cuddles on the chair next to where I work. She also usually purrs when I pet her, closes her eyes, etc.

Now, I know that two weeks is nothing for a cat, and she probably hasn't got used to the new environment and me completely. I'm just wondering if there is anything that I can do to show her I only want to pet her.

As for the reasons for this behavior: The only thing that comes to mind is, she has had diarrhea recently (actually still has it, but better now). I had to pick her up and clean her, much to her discomfort. I guess I did approach her directly to do that, so maybe she is associating me locking on to her and walking into her direction to something bad?

Thanks.

Answer 1

It takes time to establish trust with cats, especially if they are abused or separated from their mother too young.

Three months is still young to be separated from the mother and her littermates but I would not say it is too young. Still, you need to give her some space for her to get used to you.

• Never pick her up unless you absolutely have to. People love to play with their kittens by hugging, kissing and similar ways. Kittens who are used to their owners tolerate this behaviour, but almost all cats have a dislike for being picked up. Only start picking her up after she is comfortable lying down next to you and even then, do it sparingly.

• Use lazy blinks. Cats take direct gaze as a challenge. I gaze at my cat only when I need him to obey me and it is only for brushing. Smile, drop your eyelids and blink slowly. If the cat reciprocates, you can keep approaching. The meaning behind the lazy blinks is debated. Some believe it is a promise of non-aggression while others say it means cat kisses or cat's "I love you". Whatever it is, it points to some sort of trust being formed.

• Point your finger to the cat. Pointing your finger is how you ask consent from a cat to touch her. (You can use this to teach consent to your children as well.) If the cat smells your fingertip, it means you can touch the cat. If he is indifferent or scratchy, step back. If the cat is too afraid to come close to you, use something else which has your scent, like tip of your glasses or your mobile. This way, the cat will have an extra distance from you while she gets used to your smell.

  Note that some cats dislike some strong smells. I noticed that many cats hate the alcohol based hand sanitisers so make sure your cat is not repulsed by any scent you might be carrying.

• Give her treats. Don't overindulge your cat with treats. Let her have easy and unconditional access to the dry and wet food but only give away treats if she approaches you.

• Play with her. You can throw her some toys slowly so she can play at a safe distance from you. You can also dangle a string for your cat to chase.

Long story short, do not try to pet her or take her to your lap. She will eventually come to you. Being patient and approaching her without touching her unless she gives permission is the surest way to gain trust of a cat.

I hope this helps.