Cat stressed by being shut out of bedroom

Question

Typical meowing and scratching at door after I adopted her. I didn't want her in there because I tried it the first night and she stepped on my face at like 3 AM. Sleep is sacred.

It's been several weeks (past long enough according to most websites) and I have been steady in my resolve. Haven't acknowledged her (very insistent) meowing or scratching whether it's outside my closed bedroom door or outside my closed bathroom door. I wait for her to stop meowing before coming out so she doesn't get rewarded.

I eventually put tinfoil on the bedroom door. Helped a bit at first but now she's just clawing at that, which is even louder and making a mess. One night while I was showering, she reached under the door and pulled most of my clothes (strewn on the floor) under the door and out into the hallway.

She used to eat all her wet food right away in one go each morning. Now after I open the bedroom door, go out and give her wet food, she will leave wet food in the bowl and follow me about my morning routine. I think she is anxious that I will shut myself away from her again.

The behavior improves slightly when I play with her for awhile and then feed her immediately before bed, but there has never been a night without some meowing and scratching. And my schedule is variable, so while I aim to do these things, it is not feasible for me to have to follow that exact routine every night right before bed. Sometimes it needs to be earlier in the evening, or sometimes I don't have time to play.

It could be territorial. One time after shutting myself in the bathroom for some time, she immediately ran inside after and rubbed her chin all over the door before coming back out. This despite the fact that I was outside the bathroom at this point.

She doesn't seem distressed when I leave for work in the morning, nor when I come back from work. She will greet me right away, but isn't needy or anxious seeming during those times.

I really don't want to stress her out, and it seems that the "ignoring" method is not working. Should I leave the door open and just place her on the floor if she steps on my face at night? This method has seemed to work when she wants to sit on my laptop or notebook while I am working. After being physically removed a few times, she'll settle for curling up on the nearest piece of furniture.

Answer 1

This looks like separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety manifests itself more in adopted animals and kittens who are separated from their mother prematurely. The more attached the cat to you, the more separation anxiety they will suffer. So, you need to solve the underlying issue by being more available to your cat.

Note that cats plan their days very well, even better than us. They like to play at the same time each day, eat at the same time each day, sleep, cuddle even go to bathroom at the same time each day. If her current playtime is 3 AM, she will force you to play at 3 AM. Even if you don't participate, she will play herself and cause a ruckus.

To change her cycle, tire your cat before you go to bed by playing with her. After playtime, offer her soothing scratches by lightly caressing her fur. Now, even if she comes to your room, it will be for sleeping. She will eventually get used to your sleep cycle. You can choose to play with her feeding time as well. I noticed that for me to go to bed at 00.00, I need to feed my cat at 9.00 PM. He goes out to pee around 10.00 PM and is back around 11.00-11.30 PM. Other time periods didn't work for me as my cat would be sleeping earlier than I do and wake up around 3.30 AM and disturb my sleep.

Even if your schedule is variable, the cat will stick to her schedule. Even if you let the door open, she will probably play herself as long as she knows that you are in her reach. This reduces the chances of having a paw in your mouth at 3 AM.

There is also another way: If ignoring doesn't work. Do the opposite. As soon as the cat starts meowing, cuddle her until she works hard to squirm out of your arms. This is an invasive but non-violent method of negative feedback and it worked for me.

About territorial issues

Cats don't like closed doors. Not only they limit their movement, they also prevent them from observing possible threats. It is better to leave all doors open as much as possible. Note that average roaming distance of a tracked house cat is 40-200 metres, so even the full size of your house is much smaller than the turf of a regular cat. This is one reason why they want to expand it as much as possible.

Of course, some people keep their kitchen or bedroom cat free, but this might require a different and not very pleasant way of training. The methods I outlined here works for your situation as well with slight adjustments.