Context: I got my cat ~2 months ago. He was in a shelter, and he was very sweet when I first saw him so I decided to adopt him. Unfortunately, they didn't let me to because he still had some small ear infection (nothing serious) so I had to wait until he gets completely healed to adopt. Instead, I took him as a foster parent. I'm looking after him, giving him ear drops, until he's healed and then once he's good I'll adopt him.
When I first brought him home he was extremely skittish. He went under my bed and didn't leave for two days. Then he finally started eating, drinking and using litter box. Over the 2 months he gradually got better. But he would still create a lot of drama every time I gave him ear drops. He would hide, not to out for hours, sometimes not eat for a day. It was sometimes impossible to reach to give him his ear drops, or take him to vet, without chasing him under the bed. This is when I decided to completely deconstruct my bed so he can't go under there.
Last week his ear drops finished. So until I went to vet he didn't get any medicine for about a week. By this time he was used to his medication more or less, he was roaming inside the house. Overall, he was much much better. Now, to my surprise doctor gave another round of ear drops since he's still not 100%. When I first applied his medication 2 days ago. He created insane amount of drama. He got veey aggressive, scratched me, he managed to get out of my room and hid under a couch. These are all things he never did before. I skipped one day (yesterday) because I was afraid he'll have similar effect again. Then I did it again today with a lot of his favorite food and treat. Although he didn't get aggressive, he hid in a corner, refused to eat anything and looks very anxious. For a few minutes when I went outside the room, apparently he was using his litter box, and coincidentally I came in just during the act and he ran away from the litter box to his hiding spot full speed. Pee, litter, everywhere... He seems absolutely terrified of me.
It is another set of drama to get him to the vet. I have to force him into his carrier while he tries to escape with full force. Then he meows the entire way which makes me very sad. Then once we come home he doesn't get out of his spotz doesn't eat for a day.
This is my first cat and I must say I'm absolutely exhaust. I got a cat because my therapist recommended it for my own anxiety issues. My biggest problem is the fact that the cat is terrified of me. It makes me feel terrible and stresses me out. My therapist thinks I'm an overly empathetic person so seeing my cat afraid of me affects me bad because it makes me think I'm someone to be afraid of. This is really too much for me to deal with and I really don't know what to do. I need to give his drops until his next appt and then maybe doctor will want me to do this for longer.
I bonded so much with the cat that I don't how can I realistically give him back to shelter. When he's sweet, he's the sweetest cat I've ever seen and I love him so much. But I really cannot deal with this drama any more. I understand that not giving him ear drops is objectively bad for the cat, so I can't do that. Moreover, I'm having second thoughts to adopt the cat because it seems like he associates with ear drops and thus he associates me with something to be afraid of. I don't know if he'll ever fully trust me.
I'm open to any and all tips. I also asked this on reddit without any success. If you have any tip, I would appreciate if you can share it.
EDIT: TLDR: To make it clear, I didn't officially adopt him yet, I'm his foster. But I still consider doing so because on rare occasion he's a good kitty, he very sweet and I bonded with him so much. I just don't know how can I proceed being his foster given I'm having personal trouble applying his drops because he creates a lot of drama. Also I wonder if he'll be permanently afraid of me.
Things I tried: Feliway (seems to be helpful, but not a silver bullet). I started giving his drops while he eats so that he associates drops with reward (doesn't work, instead he gets anxious while eating even if I'm not gonna do drops).