I've two cats, male and female. They are twins, 2 years old, half Bengal and half Siamese. They are sterilized.

The female is very nice. Never annoying anyone. The male always tries to keep attention, often scratching furniture, etc.

At sleep time, they are allowed to come in our bedroom. But most of time, the male does not allow the female to come with us. He acts as if it is his territory. Even if I try to get her with us, she won't stay.

So the little one is often alone and I'm quite sure she lacks proximity with us.

Globally, the male appears to be the dominant one and I'd like to moderate that, so things can be more equilibrate between them.

What can I do about that? How to understand what they respectively really feel?

Thanks for any advice.

Additional information:

  • The cats are indoor only
  • We live at fifth floor and going outside is dangerous but we could give them about 60m² outside (but they could go everywhere on the roofs around, included in other apartments, so they could be trapped or they could fall)
  • Everyday, we (my wife and I) spend about an hour and half dedicated to the cats
  • We work at home. The cats are rarely alone
  • They have about 100m² inside + Hicat tower (floor to ceiling tower, climbable and scratchable) so they can climb and play "vertically"
  • Please ask any additional question needed so that I can have a solution or orientation


  • is this indoor only cats,have this lasted for a long time ? – trond hansen May 20 '19 at 4:17
  • @trondhansen, yes indoor only cats. and this nearly since they are one year old. – lemon May 20 '19 at 6:32
  • what do u mean by "the male does not allow the female to come with us" do they fight? – Hani Gotc May 23 '19 at 19:59
  • @HaniGotc, they don't really fight, but when she's here he comes over her and don't let her peaceful, so she leaves. At other moment, during day, they do fight, but here this is clearly a game for both. But as the male is bigger, during these games, she rapidly want to stop even if she has started the game. – lemon May 24 '19 at 7:04
  • you said you and your wife "dedicated time" to your cats, what does this mean? do you mean play with them? It sounds to me that perhaps the boy cat could benefit from some more intensive play (to tire him out) so he won't be provoking the girl cat. – PandaPants May 28 '19 at 13:05

(This is far away from an answer, but for a comment it will be to long.)

I am not a cats person. But I would go to this problem like this: What role do you and your cats play in your household? (What role do you want to play?) Do you all (are allowed to) be on the same level of power? Or are you and your partner "parents" for this cats?

I read that cats do not have a strict hierarchy like dogs or lions. They form loose colonies most time of females with their kittens. This female "queens" are at the same level like each other, but their kittens have to perform respect and would be educated from the queens. (International Cat Care: The social structure of cat life and Wikipedia: Cat behavior)

Same sources write: Male cats have larger territories than female colonies and "visit" the joining female territories (for example for food or replication).

How queens act to educate their kittens you can find here: Quora: How do mother cats discipline and correct their kittens?. The first answer mentions that the time space for education could be longer than this of kittens childhood.

I would assume two suggestions:

One is, your room will become your territory, so you have the operation of law and choose your visitors.

Or you are the parents of this cats and can snub your "kittens" if they do not act like you want (for example if the bigger kitten tease the smaller one).

How to do so, you have to ask a cats person ...

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  • Thanks for this interesting answer. Surely the approach is around this. In meantime I have been more authoritarian with him, specially about scratching furniture, and that seem to be working. But for now that changes nothing about the female who still stay alone during nights. But all these take time to give results so... – lemon May 28 '19 at 16:26

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