So we have two cats that have been together for about 9 years, male and female. They've lived in harmony until about 3 years ago when we had a stray cat peeing on our front door and one spring day we opened the front door and they got a smell of it. After that the female cat has become the dominant cat. It took about 6 months to get the two of them at least ok with each other after that. She still occasionally goes after him but not often.

Problem is now when we are away, she really goes at him. We just got back from vacation for a week and the male cat had used our bed as a bathroom because the female cat wouldn't let him use the litter box. We have caught her before trying to stop him.

Odd thing is we have gone on a bunch of long trips in the past 12 months and this hadn't happened before until now. We know she gets after him because we usually find pulled fur chunks all over the place as she goes after him. Oddly we found none of that this time just the poo and pee.

How we do fix this? they get along fine almost all the time except when we aren't home. We have two litter boxes but they are next to each other.

We can't lock them away in a room while we are gone, they will destroy the carpets and our house is pretty much a big open space with 2 bedrooms.

Again, for the most part they get along all day, she may chase him once or twice but not really do anything bad. I know this because i work out of the house.

We really do not want to get rid of a cat. If we had to the female would have to go but that is truly a last resort only kind of thing. the male cat is kind of special and we know if we got rid of him, he would just get put down.

2 Answers 2


A week is a long time to leave cats unattended. I am not sure how you are managing their feed, I would hope that you have someone feeding and checking on them daily, while you're away.

They need supervision and human company.

  1. Board one or both cats while you are away. Whichever cat is more robust can go into a cattery while you are away. This will solve the issue of them fighting while you are not there. I wouldn't leave any number of cats alone for a week.

  2. Have someone stay in your home and cat sit while you are away.

The problem is not your female cat, it's being left alone for prolonged periods of time. Cats, contrary to popular belief, are dependent on their owners for food, shelter and company. The owner provides emotional stability. Your cats expect you to return every day, when you don't, it is stressful. When you are away for a week, that is a long time for a cat to feel abandoned.

With the problem of homeless cats, surrendering a cat is really not the best option. We make commitments to our pets and any issues the pets have, we really need to be responsible and do whatever we can to make it a peaceful like, which you are doing by coming here.

  • yea i left them alone for a week with nothing.......and no one came to see them...
    – Chad
    Jul 2, 2017 at 14:54
  • @Chad I assume you are being sarcastic?
    – user6796
    Jul 2, 2017 at 17:27

Here in your case you want your cats to live happily with each other without having to get rid of either one for any amount of time. So the best thing you should do is to take one of your litter boxes and place it somewhere else in the house, so the dominant cat won't be able to protect them both from your other cat. And buying another litter box can make it even better.

If your cat gets crazy enough to protect all litter boxes, then consider putting one in a room and not allowing the dominant cat enter it, only the other cat. For the time you guys are out, it's okay to leave the door of the room open for both, because your male cat will know how to sneak to any of those litter boxes without the female knowing.

And the reason you only found the poo and pee in your bed without any signs of a cat fight is because your male cat now learned not to use the female's two litter boxes. I know both boxes are meant to be for the two cats, but in your female's eyes, they aren't. So that's why I asked you to buy a new litter box and separate the boxes.

Whenever your male starts using the litter boxes again or even the new box, give him a treat. Also give it to the female if she sees him using them and doesn't try attack him. If she starts to run towards him tell her ''No''. If she doesn't know the word, sadly you are going to have to spray her with a water bottle and shoo her out of the room every time she performs that act. She has to learn that not everything goes her way. Of course if your male cat is able to use the litter boxes without her seeing him, the water spray won't be necessary.

Your cat may not be used to you giving rules, so don't confuse her with treats then spray her the second you see her running towards him in the litter box. Here's how you do it:

  • when the female sees the male in the litter box, praise her with treats.
  • when the female is obviously going to attack the male in the litter box, don't spray until she gets close to him and hisses, or gives an aggressive warning (at that time your male is probably going to run from your female, and she should be running from the bottle spray and heading out of the room, or in a better case it can be only her running, which should be what you're aiming at).
  • don't wait until the male has already gotten hit, do it before the female cat gets to him.

Hopefully you won't need to use the water spray, and time can fix things, but just make sure you separate the litter boxes so none of this has to happen. And you should know that cats don't attack for no reason. Your male cat is hopefully going to understand the female and know her new boundaries. By that time, he should be gaining some ways to show her his boundaries as well.

Hope it goes well with you.

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